with separation from child: allow no cry, some cry, or let cry?

We had a rough one last night, Lilly whimpering, clinging to me all night. While I was lying there hugging and comforting her, I couldn't make up my mind if I'd rather it wasn't physical or emotional. Yesterday we had our second ECFE class of this semester with new kids in her class, several of whom will cry during separation. And that makes both me and my little Lilly sad. On top of it all, her best friend Anna took a spill head down the stairs from the little doll area.

All afternoon and evening yesterday, Lilly kept processing all of this. "Anna fell. Anna cried. Hug Anna." And then she'd talk about the other children who'd cried, the little snotty girl who kept coughing. The little boy. The other boy. And so on.

Well, this morning I asked why her night had been so rough; was she feeling sick? No. Sad? Yes. And then the same processing all over again.

Ahh, it makes me miss our fall class, no matter how much I kvetched about that. But none of the parents in that class would separate if their children cried. For a while a couple of the parents would stay with their children, but then when the kids were ready, they'd join us. 

I realize I may be in the minority here about not letting Lilly cry. For us, this has meant that I couldn't work out for months, because Lilly would cry if I left her in the gym's child watch area. Now she's happy there, that is except for whenever children there are sad, which aches me too.

The results are in from the poll on crying and children's sleep, and I'm clearly in the minority in that department: 12 % checked no cry, 31 % some cry, and 56 % let cry.

A friend of mine has sleep trained her children, and whenever I'm there and she's putting the babies down for a nap, she'll check with me if I'm okay with some crying. And truly, I've always been when I'm there. Because none of her kids ever cry in a despondent manner, just in a whiny tired way. Which is different from what I've heard at the gym and yesterday at ECFE. My friend's kids are all thriving little ones, you get the sense they feel safely harbored at home. She'll joke with me about how we're so different in our parenting, yet such good friends, but really I feel like we're a lot alike as parents too. We both find it important to stay calm, caring, attentive and grounded in ourselves and in our parenting, and I think that has a lot to do with why our kids are the way they are, well-adjusted sociable happy kids.

What do you think about this? I'd love to hear your thoughts and opinions. And please cast your voice in the poll on the sidebar when you have a moment. Thanks!