I'm trying to incorporate some of my toddler's fearlessness in my yoga practice. I've always been afraid of falling on my face in asanas where that could be a possibility. Like in crow, crane, headstand or handstand.
This winter, after more than ten years of practice, I have finally been able to lift up into crow, if just for a little.
Then this past month, I've kicked up into handstand (with the support of my yoga instructor and next to the wall, but still).
And then today, for the first time, I did a free standing handstand (true, my yoga instructor was nearby spotting me, but even so).
It's so much fun! I feel so brave, and so strong.
In fact, I don't think it's just my daughter's fearlessness that inspires me to tackle these asanas; it's the desire to feel strong. I need to be, for her. And for me, but really, ultimately, for her.
It's harder to be fearless about the future. What do we do when the money we currently have runs out, and we're not getting more coming in based on our writing? Or enough?
When my daughter has turned three (which will not be till next summer, June 2011), I'd like her to start pre-school at the Montessori Children's House in town. That'll give me from 8:30 till 11:15, minus driving. What kind of employer would hire me for those hours?
Again it comes down to this society's lack of flexible work hours.
Fear isn't always disabling in an unhealthy way. Sometimes it protects us. And maybe sometimes it can help us strive for positive changes. That's what I'm trying for with this particular fear.
Sigrid Undset won a Nobel prize for writing done largely when her three children were sleeping. I tell myself this all the time. No Nobel prize yet, but it does encourage me to keep writing.
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